A while ago, Form of Dread made an article on fey contracts. While the article does an alright job and looking at the contract options, I think there’s been a very sore miscalculation on the power some of these provide to early level PC’s. These powers include: an effective 9 stack death ward, a 50ft fly speed, spiderclimb, proficiency in every skill in the game, 25 strength for free, infinite spells of 4th and lower, and more!

Consider this a loose response to FoD, and a proof that fey aren’t so easily defeated.

My cat is fey agent: Contracts

“Fey contracts can be divided into two categories: greater contracts and lesser contracts. Greater contracts are made with archfey, ancient hags, and other powerful Fey spellcasters. Lesser contracts are made with Fey of all other sorts. Here are some examples of gifts Fey can bestow as part of a greater or lesser contract:”

The “Lesser contracts are made with fey of all other sorts” is the important bit here, as we can make a familiar a fey upon casting the spell, and this is a “fey of all other sorts” as in, it’s not an archfey, ancient hag, or ‘other powerful fey spellcaster’. This means all lesser contracts are completely up for grabs. Not only this, we can talk to our familiar telepathically and get the deals we want.

Tax Exempt Dependent: paying no price

Here’s what the fey might ask for in exchange for their gifts

d8	What the Fey Wants
1	Your singing voice
2	A trinket that carries great sentimental value
3	Companionship (you remain in the Fey’s company for an agreed-upon period of time)
4	The color in your eyes
5	The memory of your first kiss
6	The spring in your step or the sparkle in your eyes
7	A lock of your hair
8	Your name (requiring you to choose a new one for yourself)

So, we can pretty easily pay nothing on a lot of these. I don’t care about the color in my eyes, the memory of my first kiss isn’t vital, the spring in my step and sparkle in my eyes also isn’t hard to part with. The cheapest is a lock of hair, but the name isn’t bad either. “A trinket that carries great sentimental value” can be prestidigitated, and we’re already companions with the fey we’re dealing with. singing voice is marginally applicable, so maybe don’t take those. Otherwise, we’ve got plenty of options for free stuff here, and if one shows up with a price we don’t like, just refresh.

Sign 6 billion contracts: what can we get

Well the options are pretty straightforward [thanks, 5e tools]

• You gain one charm of your choice, like with a chwinga except you choose. The DM has to approve the charm.
• You gain the Fey Ancestry or Speak with Small Beasts trait.
• You gain a guide who can lead you through a specific part of the Feywild.
• You gain inspiration every day for 2d4 days.
• You are invited to the Summer Court or Gloaming Court.
• You gain a common magic item, or the fey loans you an uncommon item for 5d6 days.
• You gain proficiency in a skill of your choice for 2d4 days.
• You can cast a spell of your choice of 4th-level or lower once without material components, using Charisma as the spellcasting ability.
  

“Charm of choice” and “spell of choice” are the two heavy-hitters of this list, but magic items and prof in skill are also amazing, as is inspiration. We’ll go over all of these independently

Magic Items, Spells, and Charms are going at the end of this article. Feel free to skim the smaller things

Fey Ancestry or Speak with Small Beasts trait

well they’re free so go for it. We’re now immune to sleep magic and have adv vs charm spells. Also, we can talk to squirrels and chickens.

You gain a guide who can lead you through a specific part of the Feywild.

pretty specific, but useful in conjunction with invitations to the feywild and teleportation magic

notably this guide is a gift, and comes with statblocks. The list of possible guides include:

1	Friendly forest gnome (use the scout stat block, but change its size to Small)
2	Gloomy wood elf druid (use the druid stat block)
3	Flamboyant pixie
4	Happy-go-lucky satyr
5	Ultra-competitive sprite
6	Overly cautious treant sapling (see chapter 1 of The Wild Beyond the Witchlight for its stat block)
7	Giggly goblin warlock (use the cult fanatic stat block, but change its size to Small)
8	Humorless centaur

So we can get an indefinite number of guides. This gives us an infinite army, So, a hypothetical God-Exit right here. Amusingly these fey types can also give us contracts. I’d recommend capping the number of these, but we can still make a small fey army, which contains pixies for casters and sprites and the likes. We can also use the centaur for a mount, and the centaur comes with 2 longbow attacks or a pike with charge damage.

Invitation

Use this as an object from the location and we can teleport in, useful in a pinch if you need a random place to go that your enemies won’t suspect, and we have a guide with us.

Inspiration

free inspiration every day without the DM having to provide it, pretty good in key situations.

You gain proficiency in a skill of your choice for 2d4 days.

We are now proficient in every skill. Suck my dick, bard.

You gain a common magic item, or the fey loans you an uncommon item for 5d6 days.

Obviously super strong. also who cares if it only lasts for 5d6 days, we’ll get them back super easily. consider these nigh-permanent magic items as well.

Good Common items:
Spellwrought tattoo’s of common rarity
Spellscrolls of common rarity
Breathing bubble, sometimes
Common healing potions
Walloping ammunition
Mystery Keys [enough will unlock any key hole]
Medal of the Horizonback [free shield casts]
Medal of Muscle [adv on strength checks and saves for an hour]
Clockwork Amulets [reaction to roll a 10 on a d20]

Good Uncommon Items:
Weapon of warning
Spellwrought tattoo’s of uncommon rarity
Spellscrolls of uncommon rarity
Soul Coins
Smokepowder [explosive, 9d6]
Slumbering Dragons Wraith Weapon
Sending Stones
Robe of useful items
Ring of Swimming
Ring of Obscuring [no conc aura of obscurement]
Potions of Resistance
Greater Healing Potions
Pixie Dust [give another creature 30ft fly for 1 minute]
Philter of Love [no save charm, instant love]
Mizzium Apparatus
Immovable Rods

There’s plenty more magic items worth taking, but these are some of the best ones for copying lots of or just having access to. Potions of resistance can effectively make you resistant to all magic damage types if you can stockpile enough. Some things like gauntlets of ogre power and broom of flying have been exempted due to tech later on in this article.

Here also lies God Exit 2 in the minor fey deals area. With unlimited 3rd and 4th level spell tattoo’s, we can make infinite tiny servants and equip them all with more tiny servant spells, making another infinite army. We can also have conjured woodland beings using tattoos of conjure animals, ect. The woodland beings can also be used for more fey deals, get more tattoos from them.

We can also give our familiar infinite tattoos of fireball or whatever else we’d want.

You can cast a spell of your choice of 4th-level or lower once without material components, using Charisma as the spellcasting ability.

Functionally very similar to tattoo tech, but without any restrictions on body space that might otherwise show up. This is also infinitely stackable. So, go ahead and get 100 of every spell 4th and below from every classes list, then you can also unprep those spells.

This also gives us access to cantrips, meaning we can have every cantrip in the game at our fingertips, so add in all of prestidigitech, minor illusion omniscience, and flower power to the list of tech.

I’d like to make a special mention of grabbing fabricate here and combining it with fabri-tech, stepping into the sunlight outside on your first adventure and taking the light itself and forming it into a prismatic sword.

other dumb things to do with infinite spells:

make a castle with gaulders tower and fabricate
make infinite money with fabricate
God-Exit a 3rd time with another infinite spell army. could use undead for this one, I still like tiny servants more
Summon chwingas
PWT
Death Ward Stacks
Divination magic
Have near at-will dimdoor
use find greater steed
use a lot of phantom steeds

You gain one charm of your choice, like with a chwinga except you choose. The DM has to approve the charm.

This is amazing if your DM approves, which we assume they do because this is bootbrew and everything in dnd can be said to require DM approval anyway.

Notable/Amazing Charms:

5/5: Charm of Nine Lives: When you drop to 0 hit points as a result of taking damage, you can choose to drop to 1 hit point instead. Once used nine times, the charm goes away.

3/5: Charm of Restoration: This charm has 6 charges. You can use an action to expend some of its charges to cast one of the following spells: greater restoration (4 charges) or lesser restoration (2 charges). Once all its charges have been expended, the charm vanishes from you.

3/5: Charm of the Crystal Heart: This charm grants you immunity to piercing and slashing damage from nonmagical attacks, but you gain vulnerability to bludgeoning damage. These effects last for 10 days, after which the charm vanishes from you.

2/5: Charm of the Ice Troll: This charm allows you to use your reaction when you take cold damage to reduce the damage to 0. You regain a number of hit points equal to half the cold damage you would have taken. Once you do so, the charm vanishes from you.

4/5: Charm of the maimed: This charm allows you to regrow a lost appendage or organ, such as an arm, a foot, or an eye. After it is used once, the charm goes away.
[this is a surprise tool we’ll be using in part 2 of fey deals]

5/5 Charm of Travelers Haven: This charm has 3 charges. As an action, you can expend 1 of the charm’s charges to cast the Leomund’s tiny hut spell, no components required. Once all its charges have been expended, this charm vanishes from you.

4/5 Charm of Vitality: This charm allows you to give yourself the benefit of a potion of vitality as an action. Once you do so, the charm vanishes from you.

Dark Gift of Dahlver-Nar, He of the Many Teeth:

Dahlver-Nar’s gift is the power to live many lives. Upon receiving this dark gift, the beneficiary instantly reincarnates when it dies, as though it was the target of a reincarnate spell. The new body appears within 10 feet of the old one. After it has been used three times, the dark gift vanishes.

The beneficiary of this dark gift loses all of its teeth until it reincarnates for the third and final time.

1/5 Dark Gift of Drizlash, the Nine-Eyed Spider: Drizlash’s gift is the power to walk on walls and ceilings. This dark gift allows its beneficiary to climb difficult surfaces, including upside down on ceilings, without needing to make an ability check.

The beneficiary of this dark gift grows an extra eye somewhere on its body. The eye is blind and ever open.

4/5 Dark Gift of Great Taar Haak, the Five-Headed Destroyer: Taar Haak’s gift is great strength. This dark gift grants its beneficiary the benefit of a belt of fire giant strength. This benefit lasts for 10 days, after which the dark gift vanishes.

The beneficiary of this dark gift the following flaw: “I like to bully others and make them feel weak and inferior.”

10/5 Dark Gift of Savnok the Inscrutible:

Savnok’s gift is the power to shield the mind. This dark gift takes the form of a mind blank spell cast on the beneficiary. The spell has an extended duration of 1 year, after which the dark gift vanishes.

The beneficiary’s eyes melt away upon receiving this dark gift, leaving empty sockets that can still see.

5/5 Dark Gift of Tarakamedes, the Grave Wyrm:

Tarakamedes’s gift is the power of flight. The beneficiary of this dark gift grows skeletal wings and gains a flying speed of 50 feet.

The beneficiary of this dark gift must eat bones or grave dirt to survive. At dawn, if the creature has not eaten at least 1 pound of bones or grave dirt in the past 24 hours, it dies.

5/5 Dark Gift of Vaund the Evasive:

Vaund’s gift is the power of evasion. This dark gift grants its beneficiary the benefits of an amulet of proof against detection and location and a ring of evasion. These benefits last for 10 days, after which the dark gift vanishes.

The beneficiary of this dark gift becomes twitchy and nervous, and also gains the following flaw: “I can’t give a straight answer to any question put to me.”

4/5 Dark Gift of Yog the Invincible:

Yog’s gift is one of physical resilience. This dark gift increases the beneficiary’s hit point maximum by 30. This benefit lasts for 10 days, after which the dark gift vanishes.

Oily black fur covers the beneficiary’s face and body.

Dark Gift of Zantras, the Kingmaker:

Zantras’s gift is power that comes from great presence and force of personality. This dark gift increases the beneficiary’s Charisma by 4, up to a maximum of 22.

The beneficiary of this dark gift gains the following flaw: “I won’t take no for an answer.”

3/5 Charm of Agelessness: While you have this charm, you don’t age naturally, and your skin gains the waxy complexion of a doll. Magical aging still affects you, however. This charm vanishes from you when you die.

4/5 Charm of Diabolical Inspiration: You grow a short, vestigial tail when you receive this charm unless you have a tail already. When you make an ability check, an attack roll, or a saving throw, you can use this charm to gain advantage on the roll. Once used nine times, the charm vanishes from you, as does your vestigial tail.

So we have +4 charisma, 25 str, free ring of evasion, unbeatable inspiration, a 50ft fly speed, 1 year mindblank, 9 lives, some reincarnations, cold absorbtion, action tiny hut, and we could get immunity to nonmagical piercing and slashing but be vulnerable to bludgeoning. This is fine for GITM since it’s immune to bludgeoning, but it’s a bit more of a trade-off if you’re not. Still, most bludgeoning is in melee range and we have ways out of that range now.

Conclusions

This is potentially one of the most broken mechanics to make use of with your familiar, containing 3 separate methods of God-Exit and giving you infinite 4th and lower spells twice. Even without your party making deals directly with your familiar, which they could do, you can bestow most of these benefits indirectly.